Goddamn Queers are Ruining the Environment

Zealous Christians don’t hate fags, they LURVS the environment. 

Ever since I communed with Mother Nature, I've been thinking a lot about being fucked. It wasn’t until I saw an obviously biased, and completely out of context, Jew-run liberal news report on the Westboro Baptist Church that I finally realized why.

The Gays

The Westboro Baptists have been preaching their environmental friendly on street corners across the US, in front of comic cons and military funeral and all other dens of debauchery as well. I’ve generally dismissed them as kooks and gone on about my business. This was wrong and very closed-minded of me.

As an eco-feminist, I am ashamed and would like to apologize.

I'm SorryMoreover, to right my heinous wrong, I would like to do my part to show how loving and caring the Westboro Baptists really are. I am no where near as eloquant as they are, so please bare with my rhetorical shortcomings.

The Abridged Westboro Baptist Church of Environmentalism's Argument

The Gays are Not Natrual

A dick doesn't naturally fit in a man's mouth. It naturally fits in a woman's.
A woman's tongue doesn't naturally slide in and out of a hot snatch, it's a man's that does.
Tits were designed to be smashed together with a nice big cock sandwiched between them.
And a man's asshole was meant to be fingered by a lady with an easy touch.
Therefore, homosexuality is unnatural.

Well... It doesn't follow the usual syllogism format... But it is valid AND sound...

I am convinced, as no doubt you are too.

But wait, we're only half-way there. I can hear you asking, "What does that have to do with the environment?" And that's a very good question. One that I asked myself. The answer?

Everything.

See, the environment is nature, and nature is natural. Natch! What's more, and I admit that it gets dry and sciencey here, some very smart people "in the know" have said that nature can only survive in places rich with neutrioli, a very natural vibrating particle. It has been shown, scientifically, that the places with the highest neutrioli concentrations are natural places.

On the contrary, the unnatural sexual proclivities of The Gays create anti-neutrioli which not only cancel out the neutrioli, they poison an area of somewhere between 6 feet and 900 miles in radius, depending on the deviant behavior.

Need proof? Go to the gayborhood in your town and see the horrible state of the gardens and other flora. Alternatively, if you live in Hotlanta, just look out of your window. Go ahead, I'll wait.

...

See, totally decimated! Shocked? You should be!

What we need to do now is quit being whiny fags and grab some poster board and pens and join our Christian brethren and sisthren and save the environment:

Eco-Warriors Unite!